doth fray upon my feet
The stench that emanates from you
smells of rotten beets
I dream of days up mountains
and steps in fresh manure
Tears well at thoughts of bubblegum
their stickiness you lured
I have to sigh in thought
at the grand trail of scuff marks
Upon tile floors and wooden gyms;
the squeaking like birds--larks.
I stroke the fading fabric
of your withering all-star frame
I hope you'll not forget me
For I'll always remember your fame
For as long as I have you
In mud puddles I'll leap
And smash the wand'ring red ants
that beneath your soles creep
There's not so many folks with love
enough to make a verse
For my trashy, tattered, beat and worn
disgusting pair of Converse.
My first thought when I read this poem was, "What the heck am I reading?" This poem is hard to understand at first glance, and the topic is so random. The imagery is really good, I could feel myself gagging at the grossness of it all. I think this poem has potential, but in its current state, it is quite bad.
ReplyDeleteThis is So random. Although, I did like the line "I dream of days up mountains."
ReplyDeleteVery random!!!! HAd a couple good lines though....well done!
ReplyDeletei liked this poem cause i can easily connect. your discriptions of the shoes, are so easy to picture it makes me smile cause i can feel your pain. i liked it when you wrote "I stroke the fading fabric of your withering all-star frame" i think you did a wonderful job at gathering up the ends and tying the whole poem together.
ReplyDeleteDear commenters,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reading my work and giving me much-needed suggestions.
Sincerely, your writer,
Genevive
I really liked it, actually. I have a pair of shoes that are just like those, and I could really connect with your lines:
ReplyDeleteFor as long as I have you
In mud puddles I'll leap
And smash the wand'ring red ants
that beneath your soles creep.
Well done, well done indeed :D